I'm not together but I'm getting there.."
Maybe I was wrong. What I thought was there, perhaps, was merely a perception of my own perspective, of what I wanted it to be. I often wonder if whether I am lost or confused, or stuck in my own delusion. Through days of frustration and despondency, (which i thought was a pretty condign consequence for my being stupid) I have learned that things, or better yet, people are only as powerful as you imagine them to be.
Sometimes I would still look back and regret for what could have been.
Have I actually moved on yet? I thought I have.
To be honest, it wasn't the wound that kept me from moving on, but it was rather the hopes, or denial, of a more positive outlook that I tend to always have. Things aren't what they seem to be, and I've only been seeing things in my own perspective while refusing to look through others eyes. It was not because I am arrogant or stubborn; it was because I simply only saw what I wanted to see.
The concept of love has always been so peculiar, and peculiar, i tried to be.
This time, things didn't work out the way I wanted it to, and I like to think of that as loving the wrong person; actually, liking to be exact (I don't think I've ever loved anyone for that matter.) But now that I think about it, it wasn't liking the wrong person, because when you're affectionate towards someone, the feeling comes naturally. But, for the first time, I actually really wanted to be there for a a person.
Have you ever felt that genuine, comforting and yet painful feeling that you get when liking someone yet knowing all the while that he or she is completely out of your reach?
I've always thought that there is nothing I am incapable of doing. But this time, I guess the joke is on me. I am no longer sad, nor upset; the feeling is no longer painful as it once was; but my heart still sinks every now and then.. simply because, as I have said, time does not heal the wound..
I want to be done.
I want to be able to say that I have moved on.
I guess it is only a matter of time.
You stepped into my life, bringing along some of the most amazing moments I have ever had, and for that, I thank you. I no longer regret what happened, or what else could have happened, I am now just simply grateful that you have come into my life. What we had was nice, to me at least, and I have no idea how long it will take me to completely break of that weird feeling i have when i'm with you.
However, I do, somewhat, feel like I'm free of you, like I am capable of living without you, like I don't need you anymore. But i still for sure want you to be in my life.
Sometimes I would still look back and regret for what could have been.
Have I actually moved on yet? I thought I have.
To be honest, it wasn't the wound that kept me from moving on, but it was rather the hopes, or denial, of a more positive outlook that I tend to always have. Things aren't what they seem to be, and I've only been seeing things in my own perspective while refusing to look through others eyes. It was not because I am arrogant or stubborn; it was because I simply only saw what I wanted to see.
The concept of love has always been so peculiar, and peculiar, i tried to be.
This time, things didn't work out the way I wanted it to, and I like to think of that as loving the wrong person; actually, liking to be exact (I don't think I've ever loved anyone for that matter.) But now that I think about it, it wasn't liking the wrong person, because when you're affectionate towards someone, the feeling comes naturally. But, for the first time, I actually really wanted to be there for a a person.
Have you ever felt that genuine, comforting and yet painful feeling that you get when liking someone yet knowing all the while that he or she is completely out of your reach?
I've always thought that there is nothing I am incapable of doing. But this time, I guess the joke is on me. I am no longer sad, nor upset; the feeling is no longer painful as it once was; but my heart still sinks every now and then.. simply because, as I have said, time does not heal the wound..
I want to be done.
I want to be able to say that I have moved on.
I guess it is only a matter of time.
You stepped into my life, bringing along some of the most amazing moments I have ever had, and for that, I thank you. I no longer regret what happened, or what else could have happened, I am now just simply grateful that you have come into my life. What we had was nice, to me at least, and I have no idea how long it will take me to completely break of that weird feeling i have when i'm with you.
However, I do, somewhat, feel like I'm free of you, like I am capable of living without you, like I don't need you anymore. But i still for sure want you to be in my life.
Friends at last, i hope.
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