Ce N'est Pas Toi.

Ce n'est pas toi.
Ce n'a jamais été toi.
[It is not you.
It was never you.]

A reflection.

Ever since the beginning of this - whatever this was, or is - I never would have thought that this would have such significance over my life, who I was to become, who I have become, and who I am. I am neither bitter, angry, nor upset. I was, but no longer.

At last, I am ready for something new to begin. Your chapter in my life has not necessarily ended yet (and I know that every now and then, the reminiscence and thought of you-at-a-certain-point-in-my-life will come back and haunt me.) I have spent way too much time letting go, or actually, holding onto something that was never there. Everything was simply a very vivid daydream, a figment of my very own imagination.

[I was never in love with you, but rather my reflection off of you.]

I went out today for some ice cream, and I saw a couple walking in the place, they looked happy. One person opened the door for the other, and they exchanged the sweetest eye contact[and I could tell that their eyes had indeed, spoken to each other more than words could ever express.] They shared an unspoken bond, a pre-established connection, (one that you and I can, or will, never be able to have.) That was what I wanted, and that was the moment I realized that you can never give me that, nor would you ever be able to, that I don't want any of you passed the surface [shallow of me, i know.] and that was also when the thought-of-you-with-someone-else stopped bothering me.

But don't get me wrong. I am lucky to have you as a friend, and there were times when I wanted to be more than just friends [those were the times at which I let the fear of loneliness and the desire of having someone there for me completely took over everything inside me.] I envy the great person that you are, the potential that you have, and the way good things always happen to you. [Jealousy is an ugly, ugly thing, is it not? Shame on me.]

You probably will not ever read this, but I just want to say [or write] it out.. I love you kid. It's not that I am in love with you, because I am not. But just simple love, from one person to the other. [And when you love someone, you care, sometimes to the craziest degree.] I don't think I've ever cared about someone, outside of family, as much as I have, and do, about you. It is what it is, and I am not afraid to admit that, because as you have once told me "understanding where we are today is the first step in determining where we want and need to go." I am not sure if, in time, I will still care about you as much as I do today, but for whatever it's worth.. We have fun together, or at least I do, and as friends, of course.

I know not what the future will bring, but what I do know, is that, as every day goes by, I will try my best to take back, little by little - until there is none left - the power that I have given you over my thoughts and emotions. Rome wasn't build in a day, was it?

Did he do it to himself, or was it done to him?
- He did it to himself, and he did not regret it. Not for a sec.