What if?

They said, "if you fall asleep in the snow, you won't feel death coming.."
Is that really true?

( And how can you fall asleep, when every time you close your eyes, all you can see is that skinny figure, that little face, and those sparkling eyes... sometimes, even those scrumptious lips. The images become vivid, so vivid as if that person was right in front of you, so close, but just far enough so that your reach would not touch. -- well, if you don't fall asleep, the cold will eventually put you out. Right? - Wrong. Death will come and snatch away the life out of you. Not only will you feel death coming, you will be wide awake, and watching.)

I've tried so hard to let it go, but something always pulls me back, telling me that there is hope. Many times I've decided to be done with you, but I could not.

Sometimes I feel like I am that one guy in the movies who always finishes second, no matter how hard he tries.

Is it because I'm not good enough for you?
(and don't ask me why I keep chasing pavements)

I don't get it. I don't. Why do you always get what you want and I don't? Why is it that every time you come around, you win me over? Why is letting go of you so difficult, even though it shouldn't be? Why do I keep letting you have complete power over my emotions? and why can't I move on from this?

Do you know how much I hate myself when my heart beats a little faster when I am around you? or when I find myself looking for the sight of your car in the parking lot every where I go, or when I get that suffocating feeling at the thought of you with someone else. I hate myself for it.

Has it ever occurred to you that you're hurting me? Have you ever noticed the look in my eyes every time you don't reply to my text messages? [you d-mb f-ck], do you know how much I care about you, even though I shouldn't at all?

I am not walking away because I don't want to be like all the others who have already given up on you. Do you know how hard it is for me to keep pushing myself to not give up? I guess you don't.

If you think I still want to be with you, you're wrong. You are nothing like what I imagined my significant other to be. You are unfaithful, promiscuous, and selfish.

[I guess we both need to fall out of love with yourself.] right.

What if there was no light at the end of the tunnel?
- It certainly would not have been a problem had you not believed that there was light there in the first place.

I am not alright.
Because I still believe that there is, indeed, some light, even just a spark, at the end of the tunnel,
while in reality, there isn't.

[I am still in repair]