Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Baobab

"Il y avait des graines terribles sur la planète du petit prince... c'étaient les graines de baobabs. Le sol de la planète en était infesté. Or un baobab, si l'on s'y prend trop tard, on ne peut jamais plus s'en débarasser. Il encombre toute la planète. Il la perfore de ses racines. Et si la planète est trop petite, et si les baobabs sont trop nombreux, ils la font éclater."

(There were terrible seeds on the little prince's planet... they were baobab seeds. The planet's soil was infested with them. Now, a baobab, if you set about it too late, you can never get rid of it. It takes up the whole planet. It pierces it with its roots. And if the planet is too small, and if there are too many baobabs, they will make it burst..)
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I am not unlike the planet of the little prince. I can burst any second now, as the baobabs have planted its root deep within my soil. What do I do now?
I took a trip back to memory lane, to the night that it all started (little did i know, i was about to be chasing pavements for the longest time.) Everything is still as vivid in my memory as if I am watching a movie.
When you put your arm around me and we fell asleep together. And all of the sudden, in the midst of all confusions and chaos, I felt a sense of security--one i had never felt before. It was when the seeds first came about onto my empty planet -- you, the seeds. All those times we spent together, all the places we went, I still remember every single one of them--it's sort of like one of those things that you just unconsciously remember, one of those things that stay in your mind whether you like it or not. One time, you told me you would be there for me no matter what, and that I am one of the few people that you will never judge... Silly me for believing in everything you said.
I am ready to burst. (or, who knows, maybe I already have)
I am not scared of bursting. Because I know that after I burst, there will be something new. All of the lies and betrayals that covered the planet will be shattered into pieces as the planet itself burst into dust. A new life will start. A new hope will spark in midst of all destruction.

"I reckon it's again my turn, to win some or learn some."

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Vertigo

"You never find yourself until you face the truth."
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What is the truth?
Have I found myself or have I just found the ideology of what I want myself to be?
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I know what needs to be done, but I am not strong enough to do it.
Suddenly, the things that seem to be the littlest of all become unbearable.
I feel the weight of the not-too-long-ago past pressing against my chest, and consequently, I just wish everything just all together dissolved into the air, which is swallowing myself into its thick, solidified state of being.
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I can't face the truth not because it is unbearable, but because it is unstable.
The definition of truth itself is relative.
After all the lies are stripped away, what is left? The truth? or more lies?
The fundamental purpose of a lie is to protect the truth, why then, would people not want to protect what is true? Isn't that what all of us are supposed to do?
We lie because we want to stop people from invading our own very truth--one that is pure and simple in our own term, because we're afraid that the intruder would taint our truth, and thus redefine the meaning of our lives.
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"Be ready to surrender yourself for what you could become."
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What if the thing that you were to become is indeed not who you are, or ever were?
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What if, it is indeed better off for you to live with the lies that define you, or is it better to risks letting others tainting your truth?
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Maybe I don't want to face the truth.
Maybe I've found what I've been searching for.
Maybe.. not.
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And then it is gone. gone. gone. everything, gone.
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Maybe life is how it should be.
Because it can't be any different.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Little Person.

".. and somewhere, maybe someday,
maybe somewhere far away.
i will find a second little person
who will look at me and say,

'i know you,
you're the one i've waited for.
let's have some fun...'"

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Revolutionary Road

“people don't forget the truth,
they just get better at lying.”