Companions.

"And it came to me then. That we were wonderful traveling companions but in the end no more than lonely lumps of metal in their own separate orbits. From far off they look like beautiful shooting stars, but in reality they're nothing more than prisons, where each of us is locked up alone, going nowhere. When the orbits of these two satellites of ours happened to cross paths, we could be together. Maybe even open our hearts to each other. But that was only for the briefest moment. In the next instant we'd be in absolute solitude. Until we burned up and became nothing."

In the instant that we opened our hearts to each other, I felt as if i could see you, not the you that you had always pretended to be, but the real you; and you looked like Christmas morning. At that moment, a part of me became yours. I had wondered many times, that the you I once saw, the you who looked like Christmas morning, was real, or was it merely a figment of my imagination?

Then i realized that i became so in love with not you, but with the idea of you, of who i imagined you to be. I foolishly opened myself up, for the first time, just so that you could shoot me down.

Spring, summer, and autumn all came and went, and then winter arrived, burying what we had deep down in the snow, the cold, soulless snow.

I was devastated. But there was still that hope inside me, pulling me back every time i strayed a little too far from you. It was a hope that i could make the real you float to the surface, passed all the lies and misunderstandings, all the drama and games. It was also the hope that you really cared about me.

It really didn't matter how hard i tried, did it? Over and over again, i failed. Yet that tiny ray of hope kept pulling myself back up every time, just so that i could try, and fail, again. Regardless of how exhausted and tired i became, of how hard i tried, and of how much i cared about you, nothing i did made a difference. But i still kept on trying. I just couldn't give up on you. You meant so much to me. So much.


That was then. Now,
We are no longer the people we once were, you and i.
I know that you can never change, that the you i have once seen- the Christmas morning you- has never existed but in my own little world. I have finally understood that whether or not you care about me does not make me feel any better, it does not make me a better person. I realize that you are not me, that we don't even speak the same language, let alone understand each other.

I am not giving up on you, but I am letting go of you. I have tried, with every single fiber inside me, to know you, to be different than all those who have given up on you, to just genuinely care.

I am sorry for asking you about your life because i care too much.
I am sorry for wanting to be a part of your life.
I am sorry for just being there for you, when you didn't need me to.
I am sorry for all the times I made you upset or annoyed you for asking so many questions just to see if you are alright.
And i am sorry... for wanting to be your friend.

We were, after all, just traveling companions. Wonderful traveling companions.

p.s. - I will miss you. And there will always be a place for you in my heart. Always.