Sunday, May 31, 2009

Còn biết bao nhiêu lần trong đời sẽ gặp lại nhau nữa đây?

Đó là lần đầu tiên trong đời ta cúi ,
Khi nhìn thấy người bước đi bên cạnh người không phải ta mà là một người khác...

Để biết trái tim từ đó mất đi khái niệm về ánh sáng.
Để biết cuối cùng cũng phải nhường bờ vai kia cho một ai bước đến,
Để biết khi tung đồng xu lên là phải chọn làm người thua trước,
Để biết không có nỗi đau nào là cân đong đo đếm được.
Ngày hạnh phúc bỏ rơi...

Chúng ta đã từng sợ không nắm giữ được một quãng đời,
Nên nếu muốn khóc thì đừng khóc,
Nên nếu người muốn gào lên thì hãy cắn vào tay ta để sẻ chia những hằn học,
Nên nếu người hằng đêm chong mắt tìm một ngôi sao băng vụt sáng,
Thì cứ tin qua từng đêm trắng....
(rồi sẽ tìm thấy điều mình cần...)

Nhưng người đã ngoảnh mặt đi khi ánh mắt chưa kịp chạm vào lãng quên,
Cho người bước đi bên cạnh người nhoẻn miệng cười hạnh phúc,
Cho những trắc trở bỏ lại hết cùng một quãng đời đau đớn,
Cho một gương mặt thương yêu vùi thật sâu dưới từng lớp cát,
Để sống với những gì mình đang nắm giữ trong tay!

Chúng ta đã từng tuyệt vọng đến mức sợ cả những tiếng cười,
Đến mức tự hỏi bản thân cần chi phải sống,
Đến mức nhìn một chiếc lá rơi mà cũng ứa nước mắt,
Đến mức đột nhiên muốn chưa hề gặp nhau trong một phần ký ức.
Có lẽ người sẽ vui...?


Người đã bước đi với lựa chọn phó mặc mình cho cuộc đời,
Phó mặc mùa đông ở trong tim vĩnh viễn.
Phó mặc những giấc mơ chỉ luôn thấy mình chạy trốn.
Phó mặc mái tóc từ nay chỉ còn tự mình chải buộc.
Phó mặc những ngày nóng sốt.
Nằm và nhớ một đôi tay...

Đó là lần đầu tiên trong đời ta cúi mặt,
Còn hơn những gì có thể gọi tên là đắng cay...
Chúng ta đi qua nhau như những người xa lạ,
Người quay đi để ngăn trái tim mình hóa đá.
Ta cắn răng để giữ nước mắt mình không thể...
Không ai giống như ai?

Còn biết bao nhiêu lần trong đời sẽ gặp lại nhau nữa đây?

- by NPV

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Keep on dreamin'

"This is your life, and today is all you've got now.
And today is all you ever have..."

A friend once told me, memories are something you look at, not something you carry with. And for the longest time, I've been carrying with me a bunch of unnecessary regrets and feelings. For this past year, life certainly hasn't turned out the way i imagined, or hoped, it to. But through all that, I became a stronger person, not exactly invincible, but stronger.

It has indeed taken me a long time, but I am finally starting to pull myself back up, and put the pieces back together, on my own.

I've realized that because the world is so cruel, I need to, no, have to be a dreamer. I had many dreams and fantasies, and I gave them up only because one person disappointed me. That won't happen again. I know now to nourish and joy on my dreams and hopes. I know now that when a certain thing doesn't happen the way you wanted, or dreamed, doesn't mean that everything also won't.

After I was hurt, i thought i would shut myself out - to protect myself from getting hurt again. But i've learned to say "so what?" Granted, if i close myself up, i would be able to save myself from being hurt as badly, but at the same time, doing so would also limit myself from experiencing what it is to love fully and unconditionally. And I will not give that up just because i fear that the next person i'm with will hurt me.

I was born a dreamer, and always will be.

"This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be,
when the world was younger, and you had everything to lose..."

Monday, May 11, 2009

Last day.

So that was it.

Today was the last day of high school. Even though I have been counting down till the finishing day, it feels weird to actually be leaving. As much as school sucks, it does, however, hold some of the greatest memories I've had. It is the place where I have met so many incredible people, whom i love and adore, where I have grown and learned so many things from, where I have developed many deep relationships. I would never trade that experience for anything.

I've always hated saying good-bye. Granted, I am super stoked about college, but that does not mean I won't miss high school. All the drama, laughter, heartbreaks, and gossip.. everything that has taken part in molding me into the person that i am today - i am going to miss.

Today marks the beginning of a whole new chapter, of an exciting and adventurous summer. It also marks the end of a great four years, of many great memories...

And tonight, I am just going to sit still for a moment, to let everything sink in - everything that I've gone through, everything that has built me up and broken me down, everything that i have learned.. just everything that i can think of, everything that has so far been written in my story.

Here's to the end of this chapter.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Je ne manque pas des bonnes raisons pour t'aimer.

Summer is finally back.
Summer means a fresh start.
Summer means adventures with the people i love.
Summer means dancing, singing, and kissing in the rain.
Summer means late-night movies and waffle house at 2am
Summer means leaving my old self behind and getting ready for changes to set in.

I am almost finished with high school. It has been quite the journey, one with much tears and laughter, heartbreaks and joy... I am ready for summer to come again.

Meaning, i'm ready to be my own person, to be free of you. Finally, i've made it to the point where it doesn't bother me anymore that I don't mean anything to you. I've taken so many things for granted, i've taken many people who love me for granted.

I've struggled so hard trying to make a difference in your life. It's taken me this long, but finally i've realized that i can't make a difference in your life, and that's okay, too. We are friends, and that's all there is to it. As I've said before, i'm done caring. That doesn't mean i will treat you as if we're strangers. It merely means that we're just two people who happen to cross paths, and that's all there is to it. We'd pass by each other and we'd say hello, but we're never going to be a part of each other's life. We're too different.

I can finally look back at everything and smile. I finally realized that it wasn't the timing that went wrong, it was just that we were too different. I finally am able to put my feelings for you to rest. I've been carrying those memories with me for too long. Memories are meant to be looked at, not to be carried with.

I don't lack reasons to love you. In fact, I don't need to have reasons to love you. I love you, but that doesn't mean that you will ever become a part of my life. You might affect my emotions greatly, but with time, that will change. I now know who matter, and who don't. You're not one of those that do.
"Leaving only feels good when you leave something important behind, something that matters to you."
Summer also means the last three months
i get to share with a few of those i love.

Summer also means taking the risk
of having my heart broken again.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Because these things will change.

and i have to believe that they will.